Listen.

We spend our lives guessing at what’s going on inside everybody else, and when we happen to get luck and guess right, we think we “understand.” Such nonsense. Even a monkey at a computer will type a word now and then. -Orson Scott Card

It’s really hard to be completely open and honest about everything. Especially because sometimes it make make you sound like a tool. But sharing of feelings in a tactful way is the only way to be in a relationship- with a lover, a friend, family, anyone.

I’m awful at saying what I think and how I feel. Simply awful. I hold my feelings inside and never let them go. There is no “bottle it up till I explode.” Or maybe I just haven’t exploded yet. Oh crap. Twenty years, six months and eight days of pent up feeling is a lot of feelings. That’ll make a mess.

So here’s how I feel almost all the time:

Ow my head hurts really bad and I want to die.
I want to be loved.
I want to have someone who will listen when I tell them that I stepped in gum or that I saw someone wearing tight, revealing workout clothes and heals. Someone who’ll listen to the pointless crap I have to say.
I want to do great things but these migraines continually act as an excuse to not do anything.
I want a baby.
I don’t think I’m good enough for anyone.
I’m not anything special.

But above all this, I generally love myself. Really, I do. I think I’m great